Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
