I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
