Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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