sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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