No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You smell like stripper and shame
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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