She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
