Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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