I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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