Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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