come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
