So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
MIDGETS
????
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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