I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
