i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
How's work?
Spinning.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
