She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
