Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Still dying that you shit outside
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
