My sheets look like a crime scene.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
