So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
