I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
