hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
