party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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