Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
