he thought i was a dude.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
