So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
