why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
