nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize