True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
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My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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