Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
