I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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