They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
