I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
