today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
