I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
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iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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