I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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