we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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