Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
