I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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