i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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