He kissed a someone with a penis
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
