butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
