I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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