fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
