Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
