My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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