for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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