I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
