I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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