My Higher Power is John Stamos
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
