dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
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I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
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I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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