Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
