Me. At least after what I've been through.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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