does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
