tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize