The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
