Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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