I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
where are my eyebrows?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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