why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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