We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
