i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
