I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
His nipple licking is glorious
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
