Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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