In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
