There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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