his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Randomize
