Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
