She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
