Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We have started to decorate penises.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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