Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
