I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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