I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
