For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
