4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
