yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
