just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
